


Just Hold On

by psychotic_fangirl369



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Deaf Jared, F/M, M/M, Protective Jensen Ackles, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 23:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychotic_fangirl369/pseuds/psychotic_fangirl369
Summary: “What would you be willing to do in order to get Jensen back?”“Anything.”“Really? Okay then, Jared. I’ll give you a chance. I’m feeling generous. I’ll bring your best friend back from the dead but you’ve got to give up something in return.”“Anything,” I repeat.The man smirks. “Jensen will be alive, except he won’t know who you are. I’m gonna rewrite your history, sweetheart. So make your choice. Your friendship for his life?”And really, it’s not like I have an option, is it?“You’ve got yourself a deal.”Jared and Jensen have been best friend's ever since Jensen noticed the younger, deaf boy when he was 4 years old. But 13 years later a tragic accident destroys everything.  Jared is given a chance to bring Jensen back, but with a high price to pay. The deal isn't everything he thought it would be and soon he has to make a choice: live in this new reality or hold onto the past and memories that he treasures the most?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the first chapter of my new fic. Hope you enjoy. I'll try update as often as I can.

Jensen has been my best friend since I was four years old. It was my first day of kindergarten and I was scared as hell. After all, there aren’t many deaf kids who attend normal schools. I was playing by myself on the playground when Jensen walked over to me. He was a few years older and to this day, I don’t know what made him approach me. But I’m forever thankful that he did. He sat down in front of me and said something. I stared intently at his lips, but was unable to read them. I was still learning back then. I shrugged and tugged on my ear before showing him a downwards thumb. I can’t hear. He smiled at me and then started to play with me anyways, nudging me lightly when he wanted to show me something. The next day he came to play with me again. I felt bad not knowing his name, but there was nothing I could do. This routine continued for the rest of the week. On the Friday, just before our parents arrived to take us home, he poked my arm, grinning. Then he started to sign.  
“Hello, I’m Jensen.”  
I grinned back and signed him my name.  
“I’m Jared.”  
He motioned for me to do it a couple times before he mouthed it to me. I nodded when he threw me a questioning look, wanting to know if he got it right. From then on, Jensen would learn a new sign every day and by the end of the semester he could sign nearly as well as I could. We became best friends instantly and soon we were spending all our free time and weekends at each other’s houses. Our parents became friends and soon we were like one big, happy family. By the time I was 8 years old I was sleeping at Jensen’s house most days, despite school. Jensen didn’t seem to care about the age gap. And neither did I.  
While Jensen attended the local primary school, I became homeschooled. It was easier and less complicated. But every day when the school came out, I was at the gates waiting for Jen and we would walk to his house and spend the rest of the day there. As we got older, Jensen made friends with a few boys at school. They didn’t want to hang out with a little kid like me and Jensen refused to leave me. He came home one day with a black eye and a smile on his face, despite my worry.  
“No one talks about my best friend that way,” he had said.  
The other boys seemed to have a new respect for him and soon I was pulled into the group and friends with them too.  
As we got older, he would take me with to the parties and social gatherings. He always made sure that one of the guys, or himself was with me at all times so that I had someone who understood me. The one time he had a girlfriend, it ended badly. He never told me why, but the last time I saw her she glared at me and yelled far too quickly for me to read her lips. Jensen had told me not to worry and that it didn’t have anything to do with me. Her goodbye to me said otherwise. He never dated after that.  
So you see, Jensen has always been my best friend. He’s stood by me no matter what. And I hope that things never change. 

 

*****

It’s a warm day in the middle of June. The heat is unbearable and I am lying on my bed in nothing but my swim trunks, cursing the weather and whoever causes it. I blow out a breath and turn to look at the alarm clock on the bedside cabinet, squinting against the sun that glistens through the window. I huff. 12:03. Jensen was supposed to be here 17 minutes ago. As if on cue, he bounds into my room in his swim shorts, his towel tossed over his shoulder and his sunglasses in place. He smiles at me timidly.  
“I had to lift Mack to her friends. Sorry it took so long.”  
I push myself off the bed and shrug, smiling widely. Now we can finally swim. He grins back, gesturing to the door. I nod and together we leave my room and head downstairs to the swimming pool that is in my back garden. Meggie and her friend, Anna or something, are busy sitting on the edge, putting their feet in before jumping back due to the cold. Jensen and I shoot each other a look, before dropping our towels and running towards the edge of the pool, jumping in as near to the girls as possible, splashing them. They scream, running off in the other direction. Jensen laughs. I smile at him, enjoying seeing the happiness on his face. He swims over to me and winks, before dunking me under. I struggle to the surface and glare at him. He smirks, before signing, “You love me.”  
I roll my eyes and slip under the water, swimming to the deepest part of the pool. Jensen and I stay in the water for hours until Momma calls us in to help with the barbeque. We clamber out the pool and dry off, with our towels, before heading into the kitchen to help. Dad and Jeff are sorting out the meat outside, while momma is making a salad in the kitchen. Jensen and I get to work on making a potato bake. Momma doesn’t make guests help, but as she likes to point out, Jensen isn’t a guest. He’s family. And so he has to pull his share. After chopping and slicing at the various ingredients we place it in the oven and head up to my room to get dressed. Jensen rummages through my draws and pulls out a pair of my shorts and a t-shirt. He grins cheekily before changing into them. I roll my eyes and pull out some clothes for myself. We plop onto my bed and lean our backs against the wall. He looks over at me.  
“I’m going to miss you.”  
I frown, not wanting to discuss it. Jensen finished school and he’s heading off to college in the fall. I swallow hard and look away, chewing my lip. I’m going to miss him too. He gently slips his fingers under my chin and turns me back to him. He lets go so that he can use his hands.  
“I’ll come and visit every holiday. And you can come and stay with me. You just have two more years of school and then you can come study with me and it’ll be okay.”  
I nod unhappily. It’s not just Jensen. Chris, Steve, Danneel, Gen – they are all in Jensen’s year, which means they are leaving too. I’ll have nobody. Despite that, I can’t be angry with him for going. He had wanted to take 2 years out so that we could go together. I was the one who told him that he couldn’t put his life on hold for me. He has already sacrificed so much for me. Having a younger and deaf best friend isn’t easy. The others are okay. Gen and Danneel learnt sign language, but Chris and Steve still aren’t fluent. They know the basics but it is hard to have a conversation with them. Sometimes I hate myself. Why am I like this? Why did I have to be born different? Why couldn’t I be normal? Other times I’m thankful. I’d choose being deaf to being blind any day. Then there are those moments like right now, when I’m sitting with Jensen and I’d give anything to be able to hear his voice, to be able to listen to him when he sits and plays the guitar while singing. He won’t sing for anyone else, me being the exception because I can’t flippen hear him so it doesn’t matter. Jensen seems to sense my mood because he shuffles closer to me, despite the uncomfortable heat, and places his arms around my shoulders, tugging me against him. He doesn’t bother signing anything. He doesn’t need to. His body language says everything that words can’t. I rest my head on his shoulder and smile softly. Jensen pulls back and stands, holding out his hands to tug me to my feet.  
“Your mom called. Supper’s ready.”  
I chew my lip and nod. Jensen lets out a bark of laughter and I tilt my head slightly, confused.  
“Your stomach growled. I guess you’re hungry, Jay.”  
I stick my tongue out at him. “I’m always hungry, loser.”  
He shakes his head, still smiling, before lightly shoving me forward and towards the stairs. We bound down the stairs and head out into the garden where the rest of my family is already seated. I tap Meggie and then ask, “Where’s your friend?”  
She smiles at me. “Went home after you splashed us, jerk.”  
I stick my tongue out at her. Momma slaps my shoulder lightly with the tea towel before taking a seat opposite me. We hold hands and dad says the grace, then we tuck into the meal. 

 

*****

The summer is rapidly drawing to a close and soon there are only 3 weeks left until Jensen has to leave. We don’t talk about it. I am in my room, reading an old sci-fi novel, when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up to find Jensen grinning down at me. I smile back, carefully placing my book on my bed before standing to wrap him in a hug. He squeezes me lightly before pulling away.  
“Do you want to come over to Gen’s with me?”  
I nod, already grabbing my shoes and tugging them on my feet. He grasps my arm, bringing my attention back to him. I raise my eyebrow, questioning.  
“Jay, someone else is going to be there. Someone I want you to meet. Her names Alona and well,” he scratches the back of his neck before continuing. “I want to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I need your opinion.”  
The unspoken truth settles between us. He needs to see how she’ll react to Jensen’s close relationship with a younger, deaf kid. I swallow.  
“Sure. I’d love to meet her. But you know that you don’t need my… opinion right? You can date whoever you want.”  
He laughs, shaking his head. “You come first, Jay. You know that.”  
Yes, I do. But maybe it shouldn’t be that way, I think. I love Jensen’s attention. I love being important to him. I love his lame jokes and his gentleness. I love his smile and his book taste. I love everything that there is to love about Jensen. And that worries me. Ever since kindergarten we have put each other before everyone and everything. And maybe that isn’t healthy. Maybe the reason neither of us have ever had a lasting relationship is because of each other. My first girlfriend was a girl named Sandy who I met at the support group for the blind and deaf that I go to every week. We dated for 8 months. And I loved her, I really did, I just wasn’t in love with her. And there is a big difference between the two. We dated for 8 months before she ended it. She said she couldn’t take always being second best to my best friend. My second girlfriend, Sophia, was a lot less accepting. Within 3 weeks she was complaining and begging me to spend less time with Jensen and more time with her. She threw a fit when I turned down going to her school prom in order to attend a basketball game with Jensen, who had bought the tickets for my birthday several months before. I broke up with her a week later. So you see, maybe my relationship with Jensen is too much. Maybe being this close isn’t normal. Gen and Danneel have told me multiply times that while a relationship like mine and Jen’s isn’t common, it is understandable due to my situation.  
I’m jolted from my thoughts when Jensen shakes my shoulders lightly. I blink up at him, my eyes unfocused.  
“You okay, Jay? You were miles away.”  
I smile. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I chew my lip, before asking, “When did you meet Alona? You’ve never mentioned her before.”  
He laughs, his body language awkward and uncomfortable. “I met her when I was sorting out accommodation for university. She is going to stay in the apartment block where Steve, Chris and I are moving into.”  
Right. Accommodation. I still find it hard to imagine those three living together. In California. Several hours away.  
“We got talking and it turns out she knows Gen. We’ve been texting a lot and we went on a date a couple weeks ago,” Jensen continues. “I didn’t tell you because of the disaster with Katie. I wanted to get to know her a bit before I did anything.”  
Jensen doesn’t seem to realize his slip up. So the issue with Katie, his ex-girlfriend, was because of me? The guilt forces its way into my gut. If I was normal, then Jensen wouldn’t have to be careful about who he lets into his life and who he keeps at a distance.  
“It’s fine,” I reply. “Let’s go.”  
Jensen nods and we exit my room, Jensen yelling goodbye to my parents. I slip into Jensen’s car, ignoring the churning in my gut. What if Alona hates me? If she hates me, it’ll ruin everything for Jensen.  
The journey is short, the distance from mine to Gen’s merely 10 minutes. We lock up the car before walking up the path and knocking on Gen’s door. Jensen slips his hand in mine and gives it a quick squeeze before letting go. The door opens and Gen is standing there grinning up at us, her brown hair pulled up in a pony tale. Behind her is a beautiful girl, with blond hair and a slim figure. This must be Alona.  
“Hello, Jared, Jensen!” Gen says, talking and signing, probably for the benefit of Alona. I sign back, greeting her and telling her she looks beautiful. She blushes and then steps aside to let us in. I look over at Jensen who is watching me with a raised eyebrow. I hurriedly look away. For the past 5 months, ever since Sophia and I broke up, he has been telling me to ask Gen out. According to him, she has been crushing on me for years. He is obviously lying. There is no way that older, beautiful, kindhearted Genevieve would be crushing on a younger deaf kid like myself.  
Gen leads us into the lounge and we sit down, getting comfy on the couch. Jensen sits next to Alona. He says something to her and she smiles at him, before waving at me. I wave back. She says something to Jensen who then turns to me and signs.  
“She says it’s nice to meet you.”  
Gen laughs and nudges me. “He’s lying. Well, she did say that, but she also said that she is happy to finally meet the boy that Jensen never shuts up about.”  
Alona starts laughing with her, Jensen blushing, but he smiles at me playfully.  
“Well, Jay is handsome. Who wouldn’t shut up about him.”  
I roll my eyes as the three of them burst out into bigger fits of laughter. And just like that, I accept Alona into our group. She seems nice, she makes Jensen happy and she has been polite so far. I can tell that Jensen is pleased too. It really does matter to him that his friends and love interests are okay with me.  
We spend the rest of the afternoon lounging around Gen’s house, talking and getting to know one another. Later on, we order take out and sit down to watch The Mentalist, a favorite of ours. Alona doesn’t complain about having to have subtitles on, unlike Katie. I can see Jensen’s pleased smile out of the corner of my eye. Maybe this is it then. Maybe she’s the one. Maybe it’ll work out for him. Finally. I’m happy for him, really. He deserves it, after putting me first his entire life. I want him to find love. But then why does the start of something new for Jensen feel like the end of something for me? I couldn’t have been more wrong. 

 

*****

Sometimes things don’t go according to plan. They said it was a drunk driver. He lost controlled and slammed into Jensen’s car. They said it was painless for Jen. That he would have died on impact. They thought that made it better. It didn’t.  
The day of Jensen’s funeral is a sunny day. The birds are tweeting and the children are laughing in the park. The weather is a complete contrast to my tumble of emotions. I wrote a eulogy. Chris reads it. Then Jensen is buried under an oak tree. Everyone leaves. I can’t. They let me stay. They understand that I need time. I need to say goodbye.  
I don’t know how long I stand there, staring at the newly engraved gravestone. Jensen. Is. Dead. It doesn’t seem possible. Just a few days earlier he had been in my bed, telling me he was going to miss me as he prepared to leave to collage. And now I’ll never see him again.  
“You could, you know.”  
My eyes dart up, wide. How the hell did I hear that? I spin around and come face to face with a strange man. He smiles.  
“You could see him again.”  
The man’s lips didn’t move, but I can hear him talking. I swallow hard, fear and confusion filling me.  
“I’m talking in your mind. You can answer you know, you just have to think it, Jared.”  
I freeze. “How do you know my name?”  
He ignores me.  
“What would you be willing to do in order to get Jensen back?”  
“Anything.”  
“Really? Okay then, Jared. I’ll give you a chance. I’m feeling generous. I’ll bring your best friend back from the dead but you’ve got to give up something in return.”  
“Anything,” I repeat.  
The man smirks. “Jensen will be alive, except he won’t know who you are. I’m gonna rewrite your history, sweetheart. So make your choice. Your friendship for his life?”  
And really, it’s not like I have an option, is it?  
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”


	2. Chapter Two

I roll over in bed, blinking rapidly. I reach out, searching for my cell phone and squinting against the sharp rays of sun. I check the time and sigh deeply. Then I freeze as the date on the screen stares back at me. If the date is correct, it is a year before Jensen’s death. I think back to the funeral that took place yesterday and the deal I made after. Was the man telling the truth? Did he really bring Jensen back from the dead, but in the process rewrite our history together?

The door opens and momma steps in. She smiles.

“Time to get up for school, honey,” she signs and then leaves, closing the door behind her. I stare at the door blankly. School?

I quickly get up, grabbing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt before dashing downstairs. Meg, momma and dad are there already, eating breakfast. I join them, digging into the toast hungrily. After a few minutes, momma tells me I need to get going if I don’t want to be late for school. That’s when the nerves settle in. It’s a year before Jensen died. Which means he is still at high school. Which means I’ll see him. And, according to the man, in order to bring him back from the dead, Jensen would lose his connection to me. The thought of entering school is in itself a terrifying idea. I have never been to school. I am – was – homeschooled. But even worse than the idea of school, is the idea of looking into the eyes of my best friend and getting nothing in return. After seeing his dead body laid out in his coffin, all I want to do is hug him and know that he’s alright. Except, in this new reality, we don’t know each other.

I swallow my fears and grab the back pack that momma hands to me. Then I take my keys and head out the house. How does me being at school work what with me being deaf? And how does Jensen not being my friend change my parent’s thoughts on my education? We always agreed that I should homeschool due to the complications my disability could cause. Yet here I am, on my way to school, with no idea how anything works. I push the negative thoughts aside. This is my life now. I’ll just have to deal with it. That’s when it clicks. All my memories are fake now. They didn’t happen. Practically all of my life has been filled with Jensen and the Ackles family. Without them in it, basically my whole life will have been re written. The holidays, the days out, the birthdays, my friends, my first kiss, my first date – everything. It’s all different now. It’s not real. Except it is. Everything that happened is real, it’s this new reality that isn’t. Yet everyone here doesn’t remember. I swallow hard. How am I supposed to know what’s real and what isn’t? Which one is my life? I stop outside the school and stare at the crowds of kids swarming the entrance as I panic about what to do next. And then it happens – the most awful thing of my existence. Jensen, Chris and Steve walk past me. They are laughing and talking as they playfully shove each other. They don’t pay me any attention. Not a single glance. Not a word. Not a smile. They don’t know me. Jensen doesn’t know me. And as a quote from one of my favorite books goes, “To be considered a stranger by the person you love the most in the world is a different serving size of heartache”

I watch their retreating forms getting further and further away from me. I blink back the tears and swallow hard, staring at my shoes. What have I done?

 

*****

 

When you’ve never been to school in your life, but according to everyone else you’ve always been there, you run into a few complications. For example, how do I know which locker is mine? How do I find out my schedule? Where do I go? I am standing in a busy corridor contemplating this when a hand claps me on the shoulder. I spin around, startled and come face to face with a boy I have never seen before. At least, not in my old life. But judging from his goofy smile we definitely know each other now. Then the strangest thing happens. He starts to sign.

“Jared, my man, how are you? You feeling better? It sucked without you, man. A whole week without my best friend.” He laughs, winking at me.

I stare, open mouthed. Did he just say that I’m his best friend? Who the hell is he? Umm.

“Yeah, I feel fine,” I sign back awkwardly.

What is this dudes name? Thankfully, I’m saved from any more unease when Genevieve walks over to us. She smiles.

“Chad, Jared. How are my boys?”

So the guy’s called Chad. And Gen is friends with him? I frown, thinking. I briefly remember her mentioning a friend of hers called Chad before. Maybe she’s still friends with the others but friends with us as well?

“Great, beautiful,” Chad signs, a smug smile on his lips.

Gen rolls her eyes and turns to me, grinning. She starts to sign something but my gaze lands on something over her shoulder. I feel myself pale. Jensen is standing next to a locker, smiling brightly, as Katie leans against him, practically glued to his side. He looks down at her and smirks before pressing a long kiss to her lips. I feel sick. A tug on my arm draws me back to Gen and Chad, who are looking at me with concern.

“Are you sure you feel better?” Gen asks.

“Yeah, man, you look pale.”

I nod slowly, smiling falsely. “I’m fine.”

They look at me doubtfully, but drop the subject, instead standing on either side of me as we walk towards a row of lockers. Once we reach them, they stop and stare at me, waiting. So this must be my locker. I look down at the padlock, trying to think up what my code possibly could be. I usually use a combination of mine and Jensen’s birthday’s, but in this life we aren’t friends. Still, everyone else may have changed, but I’m still the same old me. I take a deep breath and attempt the code. It works. I sigh in relief and pull the locker open, thankful to see a time table stuck to the inside of the locker. I scramble through the heap of books, searching for the correct ones. Chad jabs me in the stomach, signaling for me to hurry up. The bell must have gone. I close the locker and look at Chad meekly, noticing that Gen has vanished. Chad stays with me and I can only pray that he’s in all my classes. As it turns out, he is. As the day goes on, Chad sticks with me, interpreting all my lessons. He’s a really awesome guy. A bit of an asshole, but loyal to a fault. Throughout the day I stumble across several people who evidently don’t like me. Chad tells them to get lost every time. I barely see Jensen, only getting glimpses of him as I wander from class to class in a sort of daze. When I made the deal to bring Jensen back, I didn’t really think about how it would affect my life. Sure, I knew that not having him as my best friend would be a huge change. But all these other aspects that have changed. My education, my social status, my other friends. It’s going to take a heck of a lot to get used to. And I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it.

It’s lunch and I’m standing outside the cafeteria, waiting for Chad who has gone to the bathroom. I’m staring at the floor, contemplating my existence, when someone crashes into me. Hard. I stumble, nearly falling, when a steady hand grips y arm, keeping me in place. I suck in a breath. I’d know that hand anywhere. I slowly look up and meet Jensen’s concerned gaze. He’s saying something, talking too fast for me to read his lips. I shake my head slowly, forcing myself to focus. I stare at his lips intently.

“Are you alright? Can you hear me?”

I nod, pulling away from him and staring intently at the floor. It’s Jensen, but it isn’t. He looks the same, even down to his favorite t-shirt, but it isn’t him, not my Jensen. My Jensen could sign. He could read my emotions from a simple glance. He was my brother. The boy in front of me isn’t. Jensen taps my arm and when I once again meet his gaze, he looks annoyed. Thankfully, Chad walks over to us then, a pissed off expression on his face. He says something to Jensen angrily, before turning to face me.

“You okay?”

I sign back. “Yeah, fine. Can we go?”

I sheepishly glance back at Jensen who has a stunned expression on his face. I turn away from him and follow Chad into the lunch room, trying to block the expression from my mind. Jensen didn’t even know that I exist. The man at the funeral was right. He really has re written my history.

 

*****

 

I almost run out the school building when the day is over. School officially sucks and I already envy my old existence. The thought of having to survive this for another few years sucks. I hitch my back pack and start walking, desperate to get home to the one place that hasn’t changed. A tap on my shoulder causes me to jump, and I spin around, shocked at what I find. Jensen smiles sheepishly. He’s holding a pad of paper in one hand and a pen in the other. He scribbles something quickly.

_Sorry about lunch. I didn’t know you were deaf._

I shrug, as if to say it’s fine, which it is. He frowns, writing on the paper again.

_I’m Jensen._

I mentally eye roll. I know. You’re my best friend. I take the paper from him and write down my name. He smiles, mouthing it to me. I nod. I take back the paper and pen.

_I need to get home. See you around._

He frowns, then points in the direction I’m heading. I nod slowly. He starts walking and I stare after him, confused. He stops, turns, and gestures for me to follow. So I do. Of course! He doesn’t have his own car yet. I smirk. In our other life, in a couple month’s time he dragged me to the garage where I helped him pick out his beloved car. The smile fades. What if in this life he doesn’t by the same one because I won’t be there to help him choose it? The thought of Jensen with another car is bizarre. We come to a halt outside his house and the familiar building warms me. At least some things have stayed the same. He smiles at me briefly, writing on the paper.

_I’ll see you tomorrow, right?_

I nod. He smiles slightly, waving. I wave back, before walking away. What is Jensen doing? In this life he’s obviously never noticed me before, so why now? And why does it feel like kindergarten all over again?


	3. Chapter 3

As it turns out, I don’t talk to Jensen for the rest of the week. And a part of me is glad. Being around him is just too damn difficult. It’s like I’m looking at a mirror image of my best friend – someone who looks exactly like him, but isn’t him in the slightest. It makes the heartache more painful.

Chad takes a bit of getting used to. His bizarre habits and unusual mannerisms keep me second guessing. The moment I think I’ve figured him out, he goes and pulls some weird ass prank on our Math teacher. Then he’ll show up at school high as a kite. Next he’ll be caught smoking in the library. It’s strange because I – the real me – would never have chosen someone like him to be my friend. Yet, in this reality, I did.

Gen evidently isn’t friends with what Chad refers to as ‘the gang.’ She stays with us every day and soon it becomes clear that in this reality, we are, as Chad likes to put it, in love. We aren’t dating, but we’re getting there. It’s awkward as hell, considering that I have never, and will never, like her in that way.

Jensen and Katie are dating, have been for 5 months according to Gen. Danneel and Steve are together, which I can’t help smiling at. I always knew they would make a good couple. Chris is still Chris. I bumped into him a couple days ago and he gave me the exact same look he always gave me – a sort of glare, with an underlying dose of sympathy. It was comforting in a weird sort of way.

It’s Friday and I’m waiting outside the school for Chad and Gen. We are heading down to Chad’s to play video games and binge watch soppy romance films, because apparently that’s what we do every Friday. I glance down at my phone. There is a message off Chad.

**I’ll be 10 more minutes. See ya soon.**

I sigh and slip my phone back in my pocket, staring at the ground as people pass me by. Hurry up, Chad, I think. I choose that moment to look up and my eyes land on Jensen who is standing with his friends on the other side of the car park. His eyes are fixed on me. He smiles, saying something to his friends before walking in my direction. Dear God, help me, I beg. I can’t face him. Alas, my prayers are in vain. Soon Jensen is standing in front of me, smiling brightly. He takes a breath and then starts to sign, the same proud little grin on his face that he had in kindergarten.

“Hello Jared.”

Despite myself, I feel my lips tug upwards. I give him a thumbs up before replying.

‘Well done.”

He frowns, puzzled, then hands me a piece of paper and a pen, looking sheepish. I scribble my words done. He smiles and signs, “thank you.”

He opens his mouth as though to speak, then stops and turns. I furrow my brows, confused at what he is looking at, when I see Katie dashing towards us, her lips moving hurriedly. She reaches us and casts an impatient glance at me, before speaking to Jensen. He smiles at her and nods in acknowledgment to whatever she said. I chew my lip, anxious. Katie hates me – maybe not here, not yet – but she does, in the real world. Then I curse. This is the real world now. That other life, my real life, is just a fake. It never happened.

Jensen taps my arm, gaining my attention. He hands me the pad of paper.

_Going to the diner with my friends. Wanna come?_

I’m saved from answering when Chad appears around the corner with Gen, waving wildly. I smile and wave back. Jensen follows my eye line and his face falls slightly. He’s hurt, I realize. He’s chewing his lip in that anxious way of his, his brows furrowed slightly and his fingers tugging at the hem of his shirt. I feel guilty. Maybe this isn’t my Jensen, but he’s still the same boy that I spent my life with. Maybe I should try to get to know this new version of him? Maybe things aren’t as different as I thought? Chad starts signing, telling me to hurry up. I roll my eyes.

“You’re the one that took forever to get here, jerk.”

Gen laughs. Then she strolls over and slips her hand in mine. She nods her head towards Chad, mouthing let’s go. I nod, turning to Jensen. I quickly pull my hand from Gen’s and write down on the paper.

_Already have plans. How about another day?_

Jensen reads it before grinning and scribbling a reply.

_Wanna come to mine tomorrow around 10? You remember where it is?_

Katie looks impatient and she mutters something that pisses Chad off as he glares at her. I look at Jensen and nod, smiling. He suddenly pulls me towards him, wrapping me up in a hug. I nearly choke from the utter familiarity that swims through my pounding blood. It takes everything in me not to nuzzle his neck and breathe in his comforting scent of home. Then he turns and walks off with Katie, a happy spring in his step. I turn to Gen and Chad who are watching me wide eyed.

“What the hell?” Chad asks.

I shrug, pretending to be just as confused. “Let’s go.”

 *****

 

I’m standing outside Jensen’s house at 9:57 on Saturday morning, my heart racing in my chest. Once upon a time I wouldn’t have hesitated to barge in and disrupt the calm household. Once upon a time Jensen’s home was my home too. I take a deep breath and march up to the door, knocking. Then I pull back and chew my lip, rocking on the heels of my feet, my hands shoved in my pockets. I stare at the floor, anxious. Then the door opens and I look up to meet Mrs. Ackles eyes. I wave. She says something, then catches herself, seeming to remember something. She looks over her shoulder and yells, before turning back to me and smiling, waving for me to step inside. I follow her into the house, looking around. It’s exactly the same as before, except for the pictures on the walls. I used to be up there with them.

Jensen steps into my eye line and smiles. I grin back at him, following as he gestures for me to go upstairs with him to his room. We step inside and I look around, intrigued. It’s slightly different. The random bits and bobs that we collected over the years aren’t there. Our kindergarten pictures aren’t pinned on the walls and our figurines that we collected as kids are missing. Jensen taps my shoulder, nodding towards the PlayStation. I nod, flopping on his bed and making myself at home. Jensen looks at me with an expression that could be interpreted as adoration. He used to look at me like that all the time. Back when we were practically brothers. He turns Madden on and we spend the next hour playing, not saying anything. His mum pops in to check on us and to inform Jensen that the rest of the family is going out and won’t be home till later. He nods, waving her away. Then he turns off the PlayStation and turns to me, swallowing nervously. I raise my eyebrows in question. He hands me a note pad with a message on it.

_I want you to teach me sign language. Please._

I look up at him, tilting my head to the side. Why? He seems to be able to read my question as he takes back the paper and writes some more.

_Because I like you Jared. You seem cool. I wanna be friends._

I read it and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. He wants to be friends? That’s good, right? Maybe we can become best friends, like before. Maybe this new reality won’t be so bad, after all. I nod. Okay. We start off with the basics. I show him how to have a basic conversation.

How are you?

My name is.

I’m good.

Time flies by and before I know it my mum is texting me, asking when I’m coming home and if I’ll be there for supper in a couple hours. I quickly type ‘yes’ before telling Jensen that I have to go. He pouts adorably, sighing as he does so. He walks me to the front door, stopping me on the steps and hugging me tightly. He says something, I can feel his lips moving against my neck. But when he pulls back and looks into my questioning gaze he simply smiles and signs, “See you.”

I nod. See ya. 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys I am so sorry for the long wait between updates. I've just been really busy with my school exams, but they are nearly over with and then this story will have my full attention. In the mean time, here's a short update. I know it's not too exciting, but I have amazing things planned for this story and as soon as my exams are over, I will get writing.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> xxx

The next day I decide to go for a walk around the neighborhood, interested in seeing what’s new and what isn’t. I say goodbye to my parents and then head out into the street. I wander down the road and towards the park where I used to play as a kid. I wonder if I played there in this life time. It’s deserted this time in the morning, no one willing to take their kids out to play at 8 am on a Sunday. I walk over to the swing set and sit down, letting my feet brush against the soil. I kick back and swing myself slowly, looking around. It’s then that I notice the man wander over and sit on the bench a few feet in front of me. I freeze, stopping the swing and staring. It’s the man from the funeral.

“Hello, Jared,” he says, once again using his mind.

I swallow. “What do you want?”

The man laughs, a rich sound that sends chills through my body. He smirks at me.

“I just wanted to know how you’re doing. Settling in to your new life okay?”  
My hands tighten on the swings chains and I narrow my eyes at him. “Go to hell.”

He chuckles lightly. “Oh, honey. I already have.” He stands up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have other people to visit. I just thought I should see if you’ve figured it out yet. Evidently not.”

I stand up too, swallowing hard and clenching my hand’s into fists. “Figured what out?”  
He winks. “New universe, new place, new life. Oh, Jared. I can’t wait to see your face when you realize.”  
“Realize what?” I demand, fear flowing through me. What the hell is he on about?

He shrugs. “Rules are rules. I’m not allowed to tell you. Daddy’s orders. But I’ll give you a hint. You have one year.”

Then he’s gone.

I stare into the empty space, my thoughts and mind racing. One year? One year till what? What am I missing? I shove my hands in my pockets, walking hurriedly home. I never go to that park again.

 

*****

 

I fall into my new existence rather well after that. It’s a mix of school work, Chad and Gen, Jensen and trying to figure out more about myself in this life time. One month into my new existence and I’m walking home with Jensen, him attempting to sign while I show him how. He has just failed utterly at signing the word pizza, and I’m laughing my head off while Jensen looks at me with that slight smile of his that causes his eyes to crinkle and his face to light up, when Katie runs over to us, frowning. She yanks Jensen’s hand, drawing his attention to her and hurriedly starts to say something. I stare at the floor, shoving my hands into my pockets. Katie hates me. That much has become obvious over the past few weeks. Whenever she sees me with him her eyes narrow into these thin little slits and her glaring seems to burn through my soul. I shrink into myself as Jensen and Katie continue their heated discussion. Why do I always screw things up for Jen? I sneak a peek from under my bangs and watch as Katie tears up, her face flushed, and then turns and storms away. I frown quizzically at Jen, who shrugs, rubbing a hand over his face, and then signing.

“We broke up last night.”

My eyes widen. What? Not again. “Jensen, I’m so sorry if I was the reason, I didn’t mean to mess things up for you and I- “

Jensen reaches out and grips my hands in his, smiling slightly. Then he tugs out a notebook and scribbles a rushed note.

_Not so fast, Jay. Still learning_.

I write out my reply.

_I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your relationship. Maybe you should stop talking to me and try fix things with her._

Jen shakes his head.

_I like you, Jay. And if Katie can’t accept people because they are different then I don’t want her to be my girlfriend anyway._

I gulp and look up at him, watching his face carefully. He doesn’t seem upset. He seems… happy? Jensen reaches out and takes my hand in his, giving it a light squeeze. Then he walks away. I stare after him in a daze, confused and aching inside.

Someone nudges me and I turn to find Gen. I offer her a small smile, noticing Chad is just behind her. They start to walk, chatting amiably, whilst signing so that I can keep up and partake.

“Jensen seems awfully pally with you, Jared.” Gen states.

I shrug. “Yeah, I dunno. It just… happened? I guess?”

Chad snorts. “He’s like a lost puppy. He’s went from not knowing you exist to following you around and obsessing over you.”

I blush deeply. “He is not obsessed with me.”

Gen raises an eyebrow. “I’d beg to differ. I heard that he was talking about you in class. Wouldn’t shut up. Just kept saying how he gets on so well with you and that he’s positive that you two have met before. Crazy, right?”

I nod, but inside my heart is racing. So he does feel as though we know each other. Good. That’s… good.

Chad waves goodbye and Gen and I continue walking towards her house. It’s her mom’s birthday this weekend and so she is going away to a lake house with a bunch of her friends. Gen didn’t want to go and hang out with old people by herself and so I’m tagging along. Chad has other… commitments. Lord only knows what he's gotten himself into this time. But, in all honesty, I’m dreading the weekend. Gen likes me and I don’t know how to tell her that I just can’t see her that way. Apparently this version of me has been encouraging her advances but I just can’t go through with it.  I’ll talk to her this weekend, I tell myself. I’ve got to.

 

*****

 

The adults are downstairs, the party in full swing. Gen and I are lounging on the bed in her room as we talk about the past week and make fun of the teachers. It feels so normal and for a minute I can pretend that it is. I can ignore the whole unnaturalness about this situation and pretend that this is the old Gen. I lie back on the covers and tilt my head to smile at her. She grins back. Then her expression changes. She leans up on her elbows and bites her lip. She leans down and presses her lips to my own. I bite back my startled protests as I kiss her back. It feels good, but it isn’t right. It doesn’t ignite any hunger or passion. It just feels… like any other normal old kiss. And with my best friend, I can’t just have a casual hook up. So I push her away gently and shake my head. She pulls back and sits cross legged in front of me, frowning.

“What’s wrong, Jared?” she signs.

I smile sadly at her. “I just don’t see you that way, Gen.”  
Hurt clouds her expression and I feel the guilt eating at my heart. This is so wrong. This whole situation is just a mess.

“But you told me you wanted to give this a try!” she protests, angry.

I feel my eyes widen. I did? Man, this reality’s version of me is definitely different. To tell Gen that I’d hook up with her? I nearly cringe at the thought, but I make sure that my expression remains neutral. Right then and there, I make a decision.

“Gen, have I seemed different to you lately?”  
She stands and rolls her eyes. ‘What has that got to do with anything?”

“Please, just answer.”  
She nods slowly and sits back down cautiously. “Yeah, I guess. Over the past month or so you have been kinda… odd?”  
I smile. “I’m going to tell you something and I need you to not freak out, okay?”

She purses her lips and nods. Here it goes.

“This isn’t real. I mean, it is real, but not originally. One month ago, my best friend, Jensen Ackles, was killed in a car crash. At his funeral, a guy offered me a deal. I could bring him back from the dead, but at the cost of our lives being re written so that he and I were never friends. I agreed and the next morning I woke up here. In this new reality that’s really similar except Jensen and I haven’t been best friends since kindergarten.”

She raises her eyebrows in disbelief. “You excpect me to believe that?”  
I sigh heavily. “I know this seems crazy, but I need you to trust me. Please, Gen. I’m telling you the truth.”  
She stares at me, considering. I fidget nervously with the hem of my shirt. Please let her believe me. It feels os good to finally get it out there. To have somebodty else in on the secret makes it seem so much more bearable. I can only hope that she doesn’t file me under crazy and try to get me sent to an institution. Gen crawls over to me on the bed and cups my face in her hands, her eyes scanning my own. Then she hugs me tightly, her face buried in my neck. I feel wetness soaking into my skn and her body shakes. She’s crying, I realize. I gingerly hug her back, not sure why she’s so upset or what to do about it. After a while she pulls back. Her face is blotchy and her eyes swollen.

“I believe you,” she signs. “I can’t begin to understand it, but I believe you. I just… I love you, Jared. And the old you loves me back. But you aren’t him. I mean you are, but it’s not the same. Alright then. So, I need you to tell me all about this other reality, okay? I want to know everything.”  
I smile at her. “Thank you for understanding.”  
She lies down next to me. “Anytime. Now get explain, mister. I want to know all about this other me.”  
I laugh and then start to talk, enjoying the feeling of being able to be bluntly honest for the first time in a month. Gen listens with baited breath and when I’m done, she’s crying with laughter and her face is flushed. She shakes her head, eyes wide in disbelief. She keeps muttering under her breath and then she looks at me and asks for another story. And so I tell her. I tell her about our old gang and she’s baffled by the fact that she was friends with Jensen and his lot. I explain about how we were still friends in the other life but that I had never even seen Chad before. She finds it hard to believe that Chad and I weren’t friends and I tell her that that’s the way I feel about my friendship with Jensen. She’s silent then, not saying anything. I almost drift off to sleep but then she nudges me and looks me in the eye as she signs, “You must really love him. You gave up your entire existence just so that he could live.”  
I shrug and answer honestly. “I’d do anything for him. And I know that he would have done the same thing for me. He was my brother. I’d willingly give up myself it meant I could help him.”  
She nods slowly. “Alright, Jared. I’ll help you rebuild your friendship with Jensen. I just hope that this whole thing is worth it. You do realize that you’re trapped in this reality for ever right? No one will ever know that other universe except you.”

I sigh and snuggle deeper into the covers of the bed, looking her in the eye as I reply. “I know. But if it means that I can spend the rest of my life knowing that Jensen is alive and living, it’s a world I’m willing to let go of.”

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Jensen’s Point of View**

 

I turn the ignition once more and the car busts into life, roaring loudly. I let out a whoop and stick my head out the window, grinning at Chris. He grins back and I hop out the car, slapping him on the shoulder.

“We did it!” I cheer.

The old car has been lying around the garage where Chris and I work for months. The boss had wanted to scrap it but we managed to convince him to let us try to fix it up. He agreed, stating that if we got the old thing to actually work, he’d pay us double for six months. Chris smirks.

“Looks like we won, hey Jenny boy,” he teases.

I shake my head as I laugh. “Don’t get too excited yet. We have to see if we can drive it anywhere without it breaking down.”

We both chuckle softly. Then Chris walks over to the cooler and pulls out a couple bottles of water. He tosses one to me and I mutter a thanks as I unscrew the lid and gulp the cool liquid greedily. I close my eyes as I drink and the unbidden image of Jared pops into my mind. The younger, deaf boy has touched me in a way that I didn’t think possible. It’s as if I have known him all my life. His moods and facial expressions are so familiar and sometimes, when he’s teaching me a knew sign, it’s as though I already know how. When I’m with him, I get this indescribable feeling in my gut and sometimes, when he laughs, I forget how to breathe. It sounds so girly and stupid, that after mentioning this unexplainable connection to Chris a few times and having him laugh at me, I dropped the topic of Jared completely. But that doesn’t mean that the gang doesn’t enjoy teasing me endlessly. Right on cue, Chris turns to face me.

“So how is your boyfriend, Jenny boy?”

I scowl deeply. “He’s not my boyfriend, Chris. And be nice. You might not like him, but I do. He isn’t going anywhere, so get used to him.”

Chris holds his hands up in mock defense. “Jeez, sorry. Didn’t realize that you would get that defense over him.”

I close my eyes. I don’t know what it is about Jared that has me so twisted up. I glance at my watch and curse under my breadth. I’m supposed to be meeting Jared in ten minutes. I toss the empty water bottle in the recycling bin and wave goodbye to Chris, dashing out the garage and jogging the few blocks to Jared’s house. I’m sweating and tired, but I keep going. I know how Jared gets about time. When I reach his house, I don’t bother with the doorbell. His family isn’t home and Jared can’t hear. I dig around in the plant pot and pull out the hidden key. I unlock the door and slip inside the house, making sure to lock up after myself. Then I run up the stairs to Jared’s bedroom. He is lying on his bed, tossing a basketball into the air and catching it, a frown on his face. Then he sees me and he grins. A warm feeling courses through my blood as he sits up on his bed. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is mused. He looks beautiful. I mentally scold myself. He is just a sweet, innocent kid and here I am, crushing on him. I don’t want to admit it, but whatever I am feeling for the kid is more than friendship. But at the same time, _I’m not gay._ I have never liked a boy before, but Jared isn’t just some boy. I smile at him and walk over to his bed, flopping down next to him.

“Hey, Jay. How are you?” I sign.

He nudges my shoulder lightly. “Great. Missed you.”

It’s Monday and I haven’t seen Jared since Thursday due to the five-day long weekend.

“Missed you too.”  
We fall into silence as Jared passes me a Marvel comic. It’s how we are together. Not talking much, just basking in each other’s presence whilst reading or playing stupid computer games. It’s so easy. This whole friendship is so easy. Sometimes, when I close my eyes at night, I see another me and another him. I can see us as children, playing in the park. I can see us as pre-teens, arguing over who gets which side of the bed. I can see us as we are now, happy and content. And then I open my eyes and the images fade and I can no longer grip onto them. Sometimes it’s as though those dreams are more real than this life.

I skim through the comic, laughing at the correct moments. I notice Jared watching me but I pretend not to. His calculating eyes burn into me and I try to pretend that it doesn’t affect me. But it does. It sends chills through me. I like his attention. I like it a lot. When the intensity of his stare gets too much, I drop the comic and tilt my head to look at him. My breath hitches. The way he is looking at me is too intense, too familiar. I want him in ways that I never imagined I would want a guy. I push myself out of my lazy sprawl and lean in slightly. Jared doesn’t move, but his eyes widen considerably. I know I should stop, but the moment my eyes land on his lips, I know that I am done for. I groan, forcing myself to stand up and put a decent distance between us. I glance back and see Jared’s perplexed expression. Damn it, I curse myself. I feel a hand on my shoulder and close my eyes. Please, Jay, don’t. I can’t control myself right now. As though he can read my thoughts, the warmth of his body fades. I breathe out a relieved sigh. I need to get out of here. I blurt out a lame excuse, ignoring the hurt look on Jared’s face and then dash out of his room and out of the house. Whatever is going on with me, I need it to stop. I am not going to start crushing on Jared. I won’t allow it. And I know exactly who to turn to in order to distract myself.

 

**Jared’s Point of View**

Chad angrily takes the plate of slush from the cafeteria lady and dumps it on his tray. Gen looks at me with raised eyebrows and I shrug, helpless. Chad has been in a bad mood all day and neither Gen nor I could get him to fess up what is wrong.  We take a seat at one of the tables. I poke around at my food, watching the mush flop about and I push the tray away, shaking my head. There is nothing on this earth that would convince me to attempt to eat that, whatever it is. Gen kicks my leg under the table and I glance up at her. She nods towards Chad. I look over at his angry frown. His sad eyes are glued to the table and his shoulders are slumped in defeat. I nudge him with my foot and he glances up at me, scowling.

What, he mouths begrudgingly.

“Why are you so depressed?” I question, ignoring the bitterness etched onto his face.

He scowls and mutters something, his lips moving too quickly for me to read. Then he lifts his hands from where they were clenched on the table and signs, “Jensen has a new girlfriend. Alona.”

I blink. Jensen has a new girlfriend? Since when did Jensen like anyone? He hasn’t paid the slightest interest in anyone since he broke up with Katie. And Alona? It couldn’t possibly be the same Alona from before. Could it? Then I frown. Why does Jensen having a girlfriend affect Chad? Then Gen is butting into the conversation.

“As in the Alona that you like?”

Chad glowers at her. “How many girls called Alona do we know, idiot?”

Gen shoves him and then glances over at me, her eyes silently sending me messages. Is it the same Alona? I shrug helplessly. I don’t know, Gen. I simply don’t know.

But our questions are answered almost immediately. Jensen strolls into the cafeteria, a smile etched onto his face, and beside him, clinging to his arm and laughing loudly, is Alona. The same Alona from before. They seem happy. Seem being the keyword. Alona is content and her eyes are glowing with star struck awe as she gazes up at Jensen. But Jen’s smile is fake. His eyes don’t have that sparkle in them and his lips don’t tug up at their own accord. It’s forced. All of it. But no one notices that, except me. Gen is nudging me, wanting answers and so I nod briefly, my eyes refusing to leave Jensen. Then he looks over and catches my eye and his fake happiness drops. A blank expression crosses his face, an expression that I have never seen and don’t understand at all. But just as quickly as it appears, it is gone. The smile is back in place and he is turning away, chatting to Chris and Steve as though nothing is wrong. I slump back in my chair and run a hand over my face. Then I push the seat back and stumble to my feet.

“I have to go,” I sign, then turn and dash out of the cafeteria. Tears start to stream down my face and I wipe them angrily away. I don’t know why I am so upset. Maybe because whilst I have lost my best friend, everyone else has got to keep him? Maybe because him turning away from me hurts more than I thought possible? Maybe because this entire situation is so bizarre and unfair and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on? Whatever the reason, the tears keep on coming. I sniff and push the doors open, stepping out into the blinding sunlight. The small quad is empty, not many people wanting to spend their free time in the old, abandoned garden. I flop down on the bench that stands next to the fish pond and close my eyes, my shoulders shaking with my sobs. One of the worst parts about being deaf is not knowing how loud you are being. I could be as loud as a fog horn or as soft as a mouse and I won’t know. It’s hard not to draw attention to yourself when you are unsure of the sounds you are making. Sometimes I hate myself for being deaf. Why can’t I just be normal, I will ask the stars, and they’ll glisten down upon me, silent and beautiful. When I was fourteen I told Jensen about their silent beauty and asked him why no one had answers for me. He had smiled over at me and replied with, ‘that’s why they remind me of you. Beautiful and silent, but with all the secrets of the world hidden within.’ That was the day that everything changed. Jensen was no longer just my best friend, he became my everything.

A tap on my shoulder startles me and I jump, glancing upwards. Jensen is standing there, but when he sees my face, he sits down next to me, his one hand clasping mine. He gives it a squeeze before letting go to sign.

“What’s wrong, Jay?”  
I refuse to meet his gaze, my eyes focused on my hands fidgeting in my lap. He nudges me with his shoulder. I close my eyes, choking on the hollowness inside of me. Why can’t I be normal? Jensen’s arm slips around my shoulders and I lean into him, soaking in his familiarity. I miss this, I miss him. Even now, when we are getting closer and becoming friends, I miss the old us. The people that we used to be. I look up at Jensen and freeze. Our faces are so close and his breath is fanning my skin. Our eyes bore into each other and something inside of me changes. I glance down and my eyes briefly scan his lips before I meet his eyes again. Thoughts filter through my brain; thoughts that I have never entertained before. What would it be like to kiss him? What would it be like to be loved by Jensen? Jen mouths my name, the gentle caress of Jay tracing my skin. I gulp and close my eyes. I can’t look into his intense gaze. But even with my eyes closed I can feel it burning into me. Then cool lips press against mine, moving cautiously, almost unwillingly. The pressure is light and gentle, the taste of mint soaking into my skin. I slowly move my lips with his, opening my mouth slightly so that his tongue can slip inside. It feels good, better than any kiss I have ever experienced. I can’t hear the sounds he is making, but hands can feel the vibrations as I press them against his chest. He buries a hand in my hair, the other cupping my face. We press against each other, heat pooling in the pit of my stomach. Then he pulls away and breaks all contact. I sit there, gasping and panting, sensations shooting through my body. Everything feels so new and intense. I’m too scared to open my eyes out of the fear of what I will see in Jensen’s eyes. But when I do open the a few moments later, I am greeted by an empty bench and the stillness of the abandoned garden. Jensen is gone.

 

*****

 

Gen flops onto my bed, the stack of papers in her hands. She laughs and drops them on the blanket beside her, tilting her head to look at me.

“Did that seriously happen?” she asks.

I shut my laptop and place it back on my desk, before spinning my chair back to face her. I shrug sheepishly. Over the past month, Jensen has ignored me. In an attempt to escape the hurt and confusion at what happened, I proceeded to write down stories about our old lives. I used to write a lot, wanting to become an international best-selling author. But I gave that dream up a few years ago. Now, for the first time in years, someone other than Jensen is reading the stories that I write. I nod.

“Yeah, that happened. We were mischievous kids.”

She laughs. “I can tell.” She sits up on the bed and smiles at me. “These are great. If you changed the names of the characters, no one would know that they were based off real events. Why not try enter a short story competition?”

I shake my head. “It just isn’t what I want to do.”  
She shrugs. “Okay. So, on the subject of Jensen, wanna tell me why you haven’t spoken to him in weeks?”  
I roll my eyes. “It doesn’t matter.”

Gen stares at me disbelievingly. I don’t blame her. The awkward glances Jen and I have been shooting each other when we don’t think the other is looking is enough to send half to the school into a pool of gossip. No wonder one of my closest friends is gnawing at the bit for more information on the situation. Caving, I’m about to explain what happened, when Gen suddenly tenses.

“The doorbell rang,” she states.   
I frown. Who the hell would be stopping by on a Sunday? My parents are out of state with work and my sister is at a friends and won’t be home till late. I stand up and make my way out the room and down the stairs. I grab the keys off the hook and unlock the door. I’m stunned to find Jensen on the other side. He is pale and sick looking, but a determined expression is on his face.   
“Jen?”

He steps into the house and shuts the door behind him, before turning to me.

“Is your family home?”

I stare at him in confusion. “No, but-“  
Before I can finish, Jensen pushes me against the wall, hard. His body presses tightly against my own and one hand rests on the wall next to my head whilst the other grips my hip.

“Good,” he whispers.

Then he presses his lips against mine forcefully. I gasp in shock and he uses it to his advantage, slipping his tongue into my mouth. Unable to think clearly, I kiss him back just as brutally. He grinds his crotch against me and I tilt my head back, groaning. Jensen moves his lips onto my throat and sucks harshly, sending unexplainable sensations through my blood. I shiver and cup his face in my hands, dragging his mouth back to my own. He continues to grind against me and I feel myself growing hard. Then Jensen tenses and pulls back. I chase after him blindly, but then I pause when I see Gen standing behind us, her eyes wide and her mouth open. It’s easier to read her lips when she yells, “What the hell?”

Jensen says something, but his back is to me so I don’t know what it is. Gen just shakes her head in disbelief, before hurriedly signing, “Jared, explain. Now.” Then she holds up her hands in defeat and shakes her head. “Actually, no. Don’t. you two are busy. I’m coming over before school tomorrow and you will explain everything to me. Have fun, boys.”

Then she saunters out the house. Jensen turns and glares at me.

“You said no one was home!”  
I shake my head. “I said my family wasn’t, and I was about to tell you, but you interrupted me.”  
Jensen’s glare melts away as he starts to laugh. “Oh gosh,” he groans. “So embarrassing.”

I laugh with him. Then it fades as we meet each other’s gaze. Jensen steps closer to me, his hands slipping under my shirt as he looks up at me and speaks his words very slowly and clearly so that I can read his lips.

“I like you, Jay. And we can talk later about our relationship later, but right now, I really want to take this upstairs. Is that okay with you?”  
I stare at him for a moment. I know that we should discuss our relationship first, before we rush into anything, but the tingling in my lips and then bugle in my trousers makes it hard to think straight. Besides, this is Jensen. He wouldn’t use me for sex and then leave. He just wouldn’t. He’s my best friend. So I nod and before I can change my mind, I grab his hand and tug him upstairs. We stumble into my bedroom and immediately lock our lips together once again. Jensen shrugs his jacket off and then reaches for the hem of my shirt. I allow him to pull it off me, but before he can kiss me again, I hold up my hand to stop him.

“No sex,” I state.

He nods. “No sex,” he agrees.

Then I’m yanking his t shirt off and we are kissing once more.

 

*****

 

We didn’t have sex. But that doesn’t mean that we couldn’t mess around a bit. After, we lay in my bed, silent, a smile playing on each of our lips. I fell asleep in his arms and when I woke up around 1am, I found a note on my beside table.

 

_Sorry I had to leave you, but you looked so peaceful and I couldn’t bring myself to wake you. I’ll see you at school tomorrow. We will talk, I promise. This wasn’t just a one-time thing, at least not to me._

_Love, Jen_  


Gen had shown up before school, as promised and I had explained the new development in mine and Jensen’s relationship to her. She has been pleased for me, sure, but one thing she said really stuck to me.

“Don’t you find it weird that he suddenly likes you, whilst in the other reality, you were never interest in each other that way?”

Now, sitting in biology class, I can’t help but wonder if she has a point. What if Jensen doesn’t like me that way, but feels a connection to me because of our past and he’s read into it wrong? Jensen isn’t gay. He never once felt attracted to a guy and no, all of a sudden, he wants me. And what about _me?_ I didn’t like Jensen. I’m sure I didn’t. But kissing him felt so good and so right. And ow all I can think about is doing it again. Maybe I should tell Jensen the truth. Maybe I should be honest with him. He’d understand, right? Yeah, somehow I don’t think he’d be as understanding as Gen was. I lean forward and bang my head on my desk. What am I supposed to do now?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am so sorry for the long wait. Three weeks ago, one of my best friends attempted to commit suicide. I have been at the hospital a lot and then at her house after she was discharged. I am also attending group therapy with her. So I haven't really been thinking about this story due to all the emotional stress and roller coaster that these past few weeks have been. 
> 
> That being said, this is the last chapter of the story. Thank you so much for sticking around to see the end of this. I hope you all enjoy the final chapter of Just Hold On. Feel free to check out my other stories as well xxx
> 
> Lastly, if anyone has any story or one shot requests that you like me to write, you can comment or email me at psychoticfangirl369@gmail.com 
> 
> Thank you!

I’m standing at my locker on Friday after school, carelessly shoving my belongings into it, when I hear a voice behind me.

“You seem to have settled in well, Jared.”

I sigh, resting my head against my locker. “What do you want?”  
The man laughs. I know it’s him, even though I haven’t turned around. I just wish I knew why he decides to drop in occasionally.

“Just checking on my favorite customer. Time is running out, sweetheart. Only six months left. Have you figured it out yet?”  
I groan and turn to face him, scowling. “No, obviously not. If I had, I’d have done something about whatever it is. Just go away.”  
He shrugs. “If you insist.”  
I blink and he’s gone. I bang my head against my closed locker. What does he mean? Six months. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I shrug to myself and am about to exit the school when a pair of arms slide around my waist. I bite back my smile as I feel cool lips kiss lightly at my neck. The mouth trails up my throat and then arms spin me around and push me against the wall as lips attack my own harshly. I groan into it, soaking in Jensen’s warmth and tug him closer. He complies, rutting his hips against mine carelessly. I grind back against him, feeling myself start to harden. That’s when he pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. We are both breathing heavily and my lips feel tingly and swollen. After a few more moments, Jensen pulls away with a smile and we walk out of the building, my hand wrapped in his.

It’s been a month since that day at my house, and Jensen and I are officially dating. The entire situation is so surreal and sometimes, when he is lying next to me, his eyes closed as his long lashes flutter peacefully, I find it difficult to remember a time when we weren’t together. But the nagging feeling in my chest won’t leave. I have to tell Jensen the truth. He deserves to know. I can’t hide from this, no matter how much I want to. I will tell him, I resolve, not right now, but soon.

Jensen nudges my shoulder and frowns. “You alright?”  
I nod, forcing a smile onto my lips. “I’m great.” I press a quick kiss to Jensen’s lips and I feel his body release the tension that had built up. I pull away from him with a smile. It feels so good to be so close to him. We walk hand in hand towards my house. It’s a cold day and the first day of the Winter break. I’m looking forward to spending it with Jensen. He’s unusually quiet on the walk home, but I shrug it off. We all have quiet days, right?

When we reach my house, we go straight upstairs. Jensen immediately walks over to my bed, flopping on it with an evident sigh.  I frown, unease filling me. Cautiously, I walk over to him and sit down opposite him. He refuses to meet my gaze, so I tap his leg lightly. He ignores me. Sighing, I reach out and tilt his chin up with my fingers.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

He runs a hand over his face, frustrated. “I’ve been applying to collages.”  
My stomach drops.

“I really want to move out of state… and I know it’ll be hard, but I need this, Jay. We’ll make it work. I promise.”  
I shake my head, standing up and backing away, running my fingers through my hair in panic. He can’t leave. Last time he left to collage, he died. I had to sell my friggen life in order to bring him back. I can’t lose him again. Losing him for a second time would kill me. Jensen stands up, seeing my agitation. He has this perplexed look on his face, as though he can’t possibly understand why him leaving would bother me so much. It only makes everything worse because _my_ Jensen, the Jensen I grew up with, would have understood completely. My Jensen didn’t want to leave. I told him to go. My Jensen would have given up everything to stay with me. My Jensen would have never kissed me. My Jensen was my best friend, my brother, not my boyfriend, not my crush, not my lover. No, no, no, it’s all wrong. I can’t- I can’t! Dear God, please just make it stop. Make it stop. I can’t breathe. It hurts. Everything hurts.

I’m jolted out of my pool of fear when Jensen grips my arms and pulls my fingers out of my hair. He has a panicked look on his face and he’s whispering something, staring at my hands. I glance down and notice the blood on my fingers. I glance in the mirror behind Jensen and notice the blood in my hair. I have dug my fingers to harshly into my scalp, ripping the skin. I gulp, tears streaming. Everything is just too damn much. Jensen gently leads me to the bed, pushing my down onto it when I don’t sit myself. He disappears from the room and returns a moment later, a damp cloth in his hands. He silently washes my hands and then dabs softly at my scalp. Then he steps back, staring at me. After a few moments, he pulls a chair up in front of me and starts signing.

“Jared, just because we are together, doesn’t mean I can put my entire life on hold until you finish high school. You are important to me and you have to trust me, okay? I can’t have you freaking out this bad every time I talk about my future. It scares me. I’ve been applying to several schools. Some in state and some out and when I get back the results in a couple weeks’ time, we’ll see. But for now, I need you to be honest with me. Why does it scare you so much? The thought of me leaving, that is.”  
I tremble slightly. Just tell him. Tell him about our old life. Tell him how he died. Tell him what is really going on. I shrug.

“I guess I’ll just miss you too much.”

Jensen sighs, standing. “I’ll miss you too. But you can’t just…” he stops, chewing his lip. Then he stalks towards me, gripping my face in his hands harshly as he presses his lips forcefully against my own. I gasp out, awestruck by this mood change, but willingly kissing him back with all my might. But before we can get anywhere, Jensen pulls away.

“I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He leaves abruptly, leaving me sitting on my bed, breathless, confused and alone.

 

*****

It’s dark and cold and wet. I shiver slightly, internally contemplating my decision to brave the night air. But it’s worth it, I think, the second Jensen’s house comes into view. He texted me 15 minutes ago, begging me to come over. He wouldn’t say why, but his desperate pleas were irresistible. I hurriedly knock on his door and a second later, Jensen flings it open, a large grin on his face. He tugs my hand, yanking me inside. Without a word, he drags me to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. I raise my eyebrows.

“What’s up?”  
He smirks. “My parents are out of town for the weekend and I missed you.”  
I shake my head, grinning. “You forced me to walk all the way here in the cold drizzling night, just because you missed me?”  
He taps his chin, pretending to be thinking, before grinning, his eyes sparkling. “Yes.”  
He walks over to me and pushes me down onto the bed, climbing on top off me. A moment later his lips touch mine harshly. There is no gentleness in his affections. Only need, want, desperation. I give just as much back, loving the feeling of his body against mine. The vibrations of his groans rumble against my chest and I tilt my head back, exposing my neck as he sucks down my throat. It feels so damn good.

Jensen pulls back, gently brushing my hair out of my face. He’s sweating and panting, his lips are swollen. He sits up.

“You are so beautiful.”

I blush, but smile. “So are you.”

He giggles, leaning down to press another kiss to my lips. It’s quick and when he sits back up, I pout in protest. Jensen shakes his head.

“If I don’t stop now, I won’t stop at all.”  
I smirk. “Who says I want to stop?”  
He throws his head back and groans, his eyes closed. “Don’t say things like that, Jay. As much as I would love to have sex with you right bloody now, I won’t. Because you deserve better. I deserve better. And when we make love for the first time, it won’t be on a Saturday night, in a completely unprepared rush. No. It’ll be special. Okay?”  
I sit up, cupping his face in my hands. My heart aches at his thoughtfulness. This is my Jensen. The boy who I grew up with. The boy that I have always loved. I nod slowly, leaning in to press a sweet kiss to his lips. “Okay,”  
He sighs. “Want to watch a movie?”  
I grin. “Only if I can chose.”  
He nods. “Deal.”

 

*****

 

Photographs hold a rare power that nothing else in the entire universe possess. They are a single moment, frozen for all eternity. No matter how the world changes around them, they will always remain the same. You cannot move them forward or backwards. You cannot deny them. And you cannot get rid of them. Through everything, they find a way to remain.

I stare at the small box, dumbstruck. Back before this new reality became my own, I had a box, hidden in the floor boards of my room with photos of all my favorite memories inside it. A few moments ago, I remembered that box and searched for it. And now, here I am, with a box full of photos from my previous life. Photos of me and Jensen as kids. Photos of the gang. Photos of Jen and my sister. Photos of another life. I stare at them, unable to move. They are still here.

Genevieve dashes into the room, panting. As soon as I’d discovered the box, I’d texted her, telling her that she needed to come over immediately. I hold out the box and she takes it, confused. She sits down next to me and stars to look through it. Her face turns pale as she realizes what it is. She whispers under her breath as she carefully handles the photos, looking at them in awe. When she sees herself, her breath hitches. I can’t imagine what it must feel like, to not remember any of those pictures being taken, to not remember that any of it is real.

A tear slips from her eye and she blinks slowly, the wetness soaking her lashes. She looks at me then, her lips tight and her expression empty.

“I know you told me about the other me, the other us, but I never truly believed it until this moment. How could you do this, Jared? How could you take away all of our lives just to save one person?”

I shrug, helpless. “Because I love him. And once upon a time, you did too.”

She looks back down at the picture of the three of us at hers and Jensen’s graduation. We all looked so happy, smiles stretching across our faces and lighting up the dull, cloudy back drop. Gen smiles slightly.

“You have to tell him.”  
“I know.”

Speak of the devil.

Jensen saunters into my bedroom with a happy grin on his face.

“Guess what?” He exclaims, his hand movements sloppy and rushed due to his enthusiasm. He doesn’t seem to notice Gen nor does he notice the sadness oozing around me.

“I got into Yale! I’m going to Yale! I actually did it!”

I blink, stunned. What? Gen stands and waves, the picture clutched to her chest as she slips from the room. Jensen frowns.

“Why aren’t you happy for me? I know you don’t want me to leave, but couldn’t you at least pretend to be glad that I got into Yale? Not everything is about you, Jared.”  
I stand up, hurt. “I know that! I know that more than anyone. Life isn’t about me, Jensen. Everything I have ever done has been for you! You have no idea what I have been through in order to protect you!”

He scowls. “You have never done anything to protect me! Do you have any idea the kind of shit I have to put up with because I am suddenly dating a dude and a deaf one at that! I have done so much to keep you safe. What have you ever done for me?”

I feel tears rising, but I push them away. “I have done more than you’ll ever know. Don’t get angry at me. I’m sorry that I don’t want to lose you! I’m sorry that I’m upset about you leaving! I’m sorry! I’m so bloody sorry for everything! I am proud of you, Jen. SO damn proud. But I can’t be happy for you. I just don’t have it in me. Why can’t you understand that?”  
Jensen storms towards me, his hands raised as he is about to answer, when he stops abruptly, his eyes resting on something behind me. Hesitantly, I follow his gaze. The photographs are tossed lazily on the bed, a photo of Jensen and I as kids lying clearly in view. Jensen gasps, talking to himself. He grabs the picture, his knuckles turning white as he grips it tightly. I can see the questions in his eyes, feel the confusion seeping off of him. I can see the wheels in his head churning and imagine the emotions swirling though him. He turns to look at me.

“What is this?” he demands, talking slowly, not bothering to sign.

I swallow. “Jensen…”

He shakes his head. “You know what, never mind. You’ve been lying to me. We knew each other as kids? How come I don’t remember you? Or are you really that much of a pathetic deaf stalker that you felt the need to Photoshop pictures of us together in order to feel loved?”  
I step back, his words hitting me like a physical blow. I can see the regret on his face, the desire to take back his words plain in his eyes, but you can’t change the words that you’ve already said.

“Get out.”

Jensen steps forward. “Jay…”  
“Get. Out. And don’t ever come back.”

Sighing, Jensen turns and storms out, the photograph dropping from his fingers and fluttering to the floor. I stare at the picture, not daring to move. Not daring to reach out and touch it. That’s when the tears start to fall. I drop to the floor, curling in on myself as my body shakes from the sobbing that is erupting from it. Why? Why couldn’t everything just be perfect for once? Haven’t I paid enough? I’m deaf. I lost my best friend. I sold my life to bring him back. I gave up everything. And now, when I’m too scared to let him go, I lose him again, because of my fear of losing him. I have driven him away. I lie on the floor, my breathing heavy, as I finally accept that no matter what I do, I will always lose Jensen.

 

****

 

5 months later…

 

Relationships are funny things, when you think about it. You could spend years of your life with one person and then just like that, they’re gone. You could move schools, and suddenly that person you have been best buddies with is eliminated from your life. You could have been dating a person for years and then you break up and you never even think of the other person again. Relationships are just so damn temporary.

That’s the thing about Jensen. When we were best friends, my world revolved around him. He had this smile that made the rest of the room bask in a shimmering glow. His laughter was enough to turn even the sullenest of people into a blubbering, squealing mess. He just carried himself with such light and joy. There was no feeling sad when he was with you.

When we were dating, he was less bright, but more burning, scorching. His skin was coated in a happy glow, but his laughter was less frequent. But it wasn’t because we were dating. It was because Jensen wasn’t Jensen. And now, now that we haven’t spoken in five months, he doesn’t glow at all.

 

 

**Jensen’s Point of View**

This is killing me. I miss him, more than I thought possible. His smiles and those damn dimples. I need him, in a way that I’ve never needed anyone before. But my pride and that damn picture stops me from apologizing. It’s been a long summer. Most of my friends went away on a final summer camp, but I couldn’t afford it. I needed to stay home and work in order to get enough cash to help pay for my residency at Yale. I leave in two weeks. I can’t help but wonder what Jared would say if I told him. He was so against me leaving. It wasn’t just an ‘I’ll miss you’ but something so much more frantic. It scares me. The pain I saw in his eyes when I told him. But I push it to the back of my mind. It’s too late to worry about Jared. He made it clear that we are over.

 

**Jared’s Point of View**

Chad flicks my leg carelessly as he stares at the celling. He is lying sprawled on his bed, his legs over my lap as I sit with my back against the wall. He lifts his head to look at me, before flopping back, his head landing in the soft pillows.

“Stop looking so glum,” he states.

I roll my eyes. Chad dramatically moves into a sitting position, resting against the wall next to me. He nudges my shoulder.

“I mean it. It’s been five months since you dumped him. You need to deal with it, Jared. I get that you liked him – “ Loved him, my mind supplies. Still do. “- but you need to get over it. You can’t spend the rest of your life being so depressed over one boy. Anyone would think that he’d died.”

I flinch at that, but then my eyes widen. I leap off the bed and run over to the Star Wars calendar Chad has hung on his wall. I place one hand on the wall as I stare hard at the date. My heart stops for a moment and my stomach hits the ground. Today is the day that Jensen died. I frantically flip back to six months ago, my eyes scanning the dates. _Oh my God._ Six months. The man told me I had six months. And exactly six months after he told me that, is the day Jensen died. Suddenly, everything makes sense. He brought Jensen back, but he’s still going to die. The man told me, I just didn’t understand back then. He told me that I had six months and now I know why. I had six months to save Jensen’s life. I turn to face Chad, panicking. The clock says that it’s 11:25 am. Jensen left 45 minutes ago. I desperately try to think back to that day. What happened? What did the police say? The crash happens at 12:05. But where was Jensen before that? It clicks. The diner. He stopped at the diner for coffee. I dash out of the room, ignoring Chad who is chasing after me, oblivious to everything that’s at stake. Without asking, I grab the keys to Chad’s truck and run out of the house. I clamber into the car, shakily strapping in. With a trembling hand, I manage to get the key into the ignition and pull out of the drive way. In the mirror, I can see Chad standing at his front door, staring after me with wide eyes. I make a mental note to explain everything to him later. But right now, the only person on my mind is Jensen. I ignore all the speed limits, not concerned about having to pay a few fines. I don’t have much time to reach Jensen and stop him from getting in that car. I try to remember all the details from the accident.

Jensen was in the diner. He walked back out to his car and got inside. Then, just as he was pulling out of the car park, a drunk driver came soaring around the corner and straight off the main road into the car park. Before Jensen could move, the other driver had slammed directly into the driver’s side of Jensen’s car, killing him instantly. I swallow. I can’t let Jensen get into his car until the drunk driver has already crashed.

Luck must be on my side, because the roads are quiet and there aren’t any police cars on patrol to pull me over for my reckless driving. I make it to the diner at 12:01. I slam on my breaks, jumping out of the car and looking around frantically. I spot Jensen on the other side of the car park, just getting into his car. For the first time in my life, I truly hate myself for not being able to speak.

I run towards him, my legs aching and fear screeching through me. Jensen starts to pull away. He reaches the intersection, waiting to pull out of the car park and onto the main road. I run faster. I finally reach his car and with a frantic tug, I open the driver’s door.

Jensen looks up startled. “Jay…?”

Without hesitation, I lean over and unplug his seat belt. Jensen eyes me with confusion, but I just grab his arm and pull him out the car. I tug him to the side and not a second to soon. As we land in a heap, Jensen’s chest pressed against mine as he lands on top of me, our legs tangling together, the drunk drivers car hurtles past us, slamming into Jensen’s car. He looks up at the noise, his eyes wide as he stares. People hurry out the diner, wide eyed and panicked. Jensen stands up shakily, his eyes never leaving the wreck.

I breathe out heavily, still lying on the floor. I close my eyes, shaking. I did it. I actually did it. Jensen is still alive. I feel the smile of relief making its way onto my face and I don’t bother fighting it. Jensen is alive. Trembling, I slowly open my eyes and stand, tugging a shell shocked Jensen to my chest in a fierce hug. I breath in his scent and I don’t bother trying to prevent the tears of relief and exhaustion that start to fall. Jensen is alive and he’s in my arms and everything is okay.

Jensen pulls back slightly then, mouthing slowly. “How did you know?”  
I shake my head, tears blurring my vision. Jensen reaches up, gently wiping my wet cheeks. I gulp, stepping back so that I can use my hands to sign.

“It’s a long story.”  
“One that I might be able to explain.”

We both turn around at the new voice to find the man who started all this standing there, a grin on his face.

“You figured it out, sweetheart. I’m proud of you.” He turns to look at Jensen, still using his mind to talk. “As for you, since lover boy here managed to save your life, I think it’s time you got your memories back.”  
Jensen is staring at him in confusion, then he turns to me. “Jared, what the hell is going on?”  
The man laughs, reaching out to press the tips of his fingers to Jensen’s temple. “Listen,” he whispers.

Jensen’s eyes slip shut and a gasp escapes his lips. I watch, anxious as to what will happen next. Slowly, the man steps back and Jensen’s eyes flicker open. He’s breathing far more quickly than normal, his eyes wild with panic.

“I remember.” He looks at me. “I remember everything. Jay, I died. I… this life isn’t real. What’s going on?”  
I swallow. “I made a deal at your funeral. To bring you back from the dead, you’d have to forget that we ever knew each other. I didn’t have a choice.”

Jensen runs a hand over his face, stunned. “I can’t believe…” he trails off, before looking back at the man. “What happens now?”

The man smirks. “Well, it’s more about what’s already happened. Jared saving your life has transported you back to your original lives. Everything is how it used to be. You two are the only ones who will ever know about the other reality I tossed you into.”  
I frown. “So Chad won’t remember me… and I never went to school? None of this previous year happened?”  
The man shakes his head. “Nope. But don’t panic. I’m sure you and Chad will meet again very soon.” There is an evil glint in his eyes as he says it.   
He turns to leave, but then hesitates. “Oh, I forgot. One last thing, because I like you. Don’t say I never gave you anything.”  
He clicks his fingers and a searing pain shoots through me. I scream, falling to my knees.

“Jared!” Jensen yells, reaching out to wrap his arm around me.

I gasp, hurriedly turning to look at Jensen. The sound of chattering and police sirens and the wind fills my ears, but I only want one thing.

“Say my name again,” I whisper, and my voice sounds strange to my own ears. I can talk. I can hear. Jensen gasps, his eyes wide and in awe, tears filling them.

“Jared,” he whispers. “Jared.”

I smile blindingly, a small laugh of shock slipping from my lips. “Jensen.”

He grins then, leaning in and pressing his lips against mine, kissing me hard and lovingly. I press back against him, soaking in his touch. He pulls away then and bites his lip.

“There is something I have wanted to tell you for a long time. Even before the crash. Before you made the deal. Before all of this. But I was too afraid too.” He takes a deep breath and I bite back my wide grin at the fact that I can hear him talking and breathing and sighing. “I love you, Jared Tristan Padalecki. I love you.”

I kiss him passionately, happiness flooding me. “I love you too, Jen. I love you.”  
Slowly, we get to our feet and I look around, listening to all the new noises and soaking it all up. I can’t stop smiling. Jensen is alive, I can hear, he loves me. Unable to resist, I lean over and press a quick kiss to Jensen’s lips. He grins, running a hand through my hair and I sigh.

“I can’t believe it. Any of it,” I whisper.

Jensen opens his mouth to reply when a voice cuts in.

“You! Yes, you, you insanely tall human! You stole my truck! So I’m giving you ten seconds to explain why the hell you stole my car and drove here at record pace and if I don’t like your story, I’m telling the cops!”

I turn to meet a fuming Chad. I grin then, unable to help myself. “We’re going to need a bit longer than ten seconds,” I reply.

Jensen snorts and I squeeze his hand gently. He squeezes back. Chad just glowers.

It’s funny how life works. We have good spells and bad spells, days when we wish we weren’t here, days when we wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else. Life is just like that. We all have our ups and downs. But sometimes, you have to go through the rough patch in order to get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. If you give up before you can reach that final destination, then you’ll never get the chance to know the true beauty of life. And I suppose that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? Sometimes in life you have to step on board that roller coaster and simply just hold on.

 

 

 


End file.
